


Jedi Rising

by Susannagwendoline



Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Betrayal, Combat, Fluff and Angst, Forbbiden Relationship, Loss, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susannagwendoline/pseuds/Susannagwendoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where will she fit in a war meant for men?<br/>Selena Carson is a Clone Trooper who is not only fighting for freedom- she is also fighting for acceptance. The very first female human in the war, she protects her friends from the enemy and hides her secrets from the people who actually care about her. Her secrets begin to be revealed, one by one, but she is shocked to discover a few of them were lies. Her friends accept her for who she is- a Force-Sensitive who fights alongside the Jedi, but will never be one. A face from her past resurfaces, stronger than ever... And leaves Selena with an ultimatum that breaks her heart in every way...<br/>A Star Wars Clone Wars FanFic.<br/>A prequel to Star Wars Rebel FanFic 'You Will Never Be Alone'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prequel to 'You Will Never Be Alone'.  
> It is the mother's story, Selena Carson.   
> You can read the books in any order, but this is really where Selena comes from.  
> So, yeah...  
> Hope you enjoy.

The world will live in is a mess. War destroys what's best in us. Soldiers can't really fight when they are guilty. But I do not feel guilty about fighting back. If we don't fight, then how can we protect the ones we love? The people we care for, family or not? That is what keeps me going. knowing that I am fighting for a better world. But, it isn't always like this. Just because I fight, doesn't mean I am worthy. You see, I fight with the 501st- the most elite squad of Clone Troopers I have ever had the chance of working with. But, I am not liked by them all. And I already know the reason why. I am a girl. Yep. I am a sixteen year old girl. Scratch that, I am a female solider. And I know you're thinking that I am lying, because girls can't be Clones, because Jango Fett was the template. Yeah, yeah, I have heard it all before. I am a human. I was taken to be trained in the ways of the Jedi. But, my eyes wouldn't leave the Clones, as I watched them trained. I told the man who held my hand and he made it happen. Now, I'm here. That man was Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was very sweet to me. Well, you'd expect that if the living room was spattered with your dead mother's blood and he was first on the scene because he heard screaming as he passed by. My mother was a Jedi. A strong woman, they said. The best there ever was, they said. She was brutally killed by someone even closer to her. Her husband. My father. I watched as she was cut down. I heard it enter her skin. I smelled the iron in the air. I tasted the blood on my lips. I felt how cold her skin was when I held her. I wish I could have done something to save her. And it haunts me that I didn't. My father tried to turn me to the Dark Side. He killed her to spite me. But, I loved my mother with every single part of me. And I followed her rules. I didn't want to disgrace everyone that came before her. So I screamed. And screamed. My father ran off, sensing that someone was coming to see what was happening. And that was how I met Obi-Wan Kenobi. That is how I became a solider.

 

The war isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have seen my fair share of fights, but many have seen more. And the fights have been worse. It really depends on where you are stationed. And that is up to your Commander or the Jedi. Some men go out and fight... And come back mentally scarred. It takes months to recuperate from the things that they've seen. Which is a reason I don't touch them much. You see, I am a special Force-Sensitive. Very special. I can heal people. If they are injured, I can heal the wound and prevent death. Sadly, my powers don't stretch as healing the dead. I have tried. I couldn't save my mother because I wasn't smart enough, wasn't strong enough. Some days, I wonder why I didn't try to save her. And it keeps me awake at night. And that is hard. Especially when you are up at five every damn morning, prepping for the violence awaiting us all. Some days, I wish I could go back in time and fulfil my mother's dying wish. To become a Jedi. After she died, I never wanted to see a lightsaber again. But, I swore I would carry hers with me at all times. Oh, no, I never swore to her. I swore to myself. I made sure it would stay with me. I have two now. A blue one which was my mother's and a green one, which is mine. I use them in the darkness. Nobody knows I have them. Not even Obi-Wan. He knew I kept my mother's, but he has no idea that I have my own. And he has no clue that I can use them like a pro. I was trained by my mother. And she was a master at using a lightsaber. Obi-Wan's master taught her how to hold her lightsaber properly and use it well. She developed from there. My poor mother. She was killed my my father. She could have fought back. But, she did not. She held out her lightsaber, let him take it. She gave him a smile, and he drew his red lightsaber. And I stared in horror as she said she still loved him, even though he had changed over the past few months for the worse. He had nothing on his face as he drove the blade through her chest. She still didn't care. She died in my arms. Whispering her promises to me. I whispered my promises back, even long after her ears were no longer hearing. My father was consumed by hatred then. He fully gave in to the Dark that had clouded his vision to the Light. Like a candle, he snuffled out my mother's Light. And that pissed me right off. My anger could have killed him. But, I repressed it. And I still do, using it against the enemy and showing them that they shouldn't mess with me.

My daughter's life has only just begun. But, that is a whole different story. You will have to be patient. And, with that, I say this, my friends... This is my last confession.... So read it well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selena struggles to sleep, and leaves the barracks to think about why. She bumps into Master Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda leaves her with some wise words.  
> Feeling a little bit better about the current situation, she goes back to the barracks, only to be confronted by Rex on where she has been. Leaving her to tell Rex a partial truth, which isn't what she wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just to show a weaker side of the character, Selena, and what breaks her more than anything.  
> It was pretty weird writing in the way Yoda speaks, but I know how to, a little. It makes it more fun, but difficult.  
> Sorry I didn't do this sooner, but my weekend has been hectic.   
> Literally.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> The next will be up soon, maybe tomorrow.

Sounds of soft breathing fill my ears as I stare at the pitch black ceiling, eyes wide open and focused. Someone makes a sound next to me, a gentle moan, drawing my attention. My eyes land upon the sleeping girl, her back turned to me, the thin blanket, which is a dirty white colour, is pulled up to her chin. Her lekku hang over her shoulders, and I can just see the blue and white patterns in the darkness. Ahsoka Tano is my best friend, my closest companion. I may be a simple solider, but she is like me. She knows my secret; the fact that I am trained in the way of the Jedi. She knows I can use lightsabers. She knows. But, Ahsoka knows why I do not want the Jedi Council to know. Commander Tano can keep her mouth shut. It doesn't bother her that she is breaking the rules. I can cover for her on that one. Not that the Order are going to find out. Because, they aren't. The stupid sheet brushes my arms as I sit up slowly, so that I do not wake up Ahsoka, who has now settled back to sleeping peacefully. Or the other Clones that are in this cold, dark barracks. I sleep with the rest of them, like a proper solider would. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I might be a girl, but my gender does not define me. At all, in any way, shape or form. I am a pretty good fighter. Not to boast, but I heard that with my own ears from my friend and fellow troop, Captain Rex. He was the one who asked for my transfer to his squad; the 501st. Man, was I honoured. Rex accepted me as one of his own. Obi-Wan must have told him why I was a solider, why I was a girl, and Rex must have felt sorry for me. Not that I care. Nobody needs to feel sorry for me. The past is in the past now. I have moved on, in a way. It still gets to me, sometimes, but I learned how to defend myself from this violence. My wonderful Jedi mother may have taught me, but I needed the skills sooner than I thought I would. Much sooner. I was seven. That does suck, in a way. I never got to know any more. Never got to learn. Anyway... I moved on. That is final. Great. Third night I haven't got any sleep. I kick my legs over the side of the mattress and they land quietly, on the cold concrete. I shudder, my bare feet warm and the floor freezing. I stand up, walking through the barracks, using the Force to guide me. So I don't bump into shit and wake anyone up. Some already hate me enough as it is. I am not in the mood to give them any more ammunition. Not today. Lifting my hand, I focus, coming to a stop in the middle of the room. The door clicks open quietly and a small smile curls my lips upwards. Nice. I leave quickly and quietly, using the Force again to close the door. I wonder if Padmé is awake. She is a close friend of mine and she helps me when I'm down. She was like a sister to my mother. The Senator was heartbroken when she left the Order; but she secretly knew the reason why. She is the only one who knows that I am Alyssa Carson's daughter. When I say that, I mean it. I walk through the corridors, feeling an immense wave of isolation. Loneliness. Pain. I speed up, feeling tears welling up. I can't cry here. No. Someone will hear me, someone will mock me. I run, not caring which way I am going. I need someone. Like Master Kenobi, or Padmé.

***

Wiping my eyes, I slide down a wall in the courtyard, the air cold against my arms, and I huddle my knees to my chest, trying to stop my tears. Voices reach my ears, and I stretch the Force outwards, trying to see where they are. Two Force signatures. On the other side of the dark courtyard. Coming this way. Holding my breath, I wipe my eyes again, and let out a shaky sigh. Someone comes round the wall, and I jump, startled. It is Master Yoda, his green head turned to me, his brown eyes on me, the corners wrinkled with age. He is short, everyone knows that, so at my level, we are the same height. I try to hide my red eyes, but I reckon it is too late for that. He rests on his stick, hand over the other. 

"Wrong, what is, young one?" He asks. I bite my lip, chewing on it softly, trying to think of something that doesn't sound like complete bullshit. I guess I can't lie to Master Yoda. He is a powerful Jedi, a true leader, a wise leader. And, he is not an idiot. He would know. Wouldn't he? I sigh heavily, sitting up straighter and seeing Master Kenobi behind him, his arms behind his back. He locks eyes with me and gives me an sympathetic smile. I lower my eyes back to Master Yoda, who waits patiently for me to answer his question.

"I am sorry, Master," I say quietly, voice sounding dull and broken. Yoda looks at me. "I should not be out at this time. I should go back to my quarters." I go to stand up hastily, hands scraping the gravelly ground as I do so, but I am stopped dead by Yoda, when he raises his hand. He is using his power, he is just gesturing for me to sit back down. I slowly do, cursing mentally. I should have just stayed in bed and focused on the ceiling. Like I have been doing the past three damn nights. 

"Answered my question, you have not," Yoda says sternly, but I hear the undertone of care. I sigh again, running a hand through my knotty blonde hair, feeling even worse. I can't tell him who my mother was, or I'll be forced into training, and I can't deal with that. Looking a Jedi makes my heart ache for the woman in my life I lost. All because of my father, now a powerful Sith. Nothing can stop him. A few Jedi have fallen at his hands, including my mother, my Master. My friend. I look at the floor, swallowing thickly. I have an idea.

"Just thinking about my family." I say softly, not telling that much of a lie. It's true. The past three nights have been about my mother, just her. In my head. Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is her. I look a lot like her, fight like her, talk like her. It's hard enough as it is. 

"Never said, the most painful goodbyes are," Yoda concludes, patting my shoulder. I look him straight in the eye, and nod, throat closing up. He's not wrong. But, I said goodbye. She said goodbye. Dammit, it only she was here. Then maybe, just fucking maybe, I could have a life. Kenobi comes forward, Yoda carrying on his way. He kneels next to me, offering a hand. I take it and he helps me to my feet. I dust myself down, regretting not putting my shoes on, the gravel stabbing the bare skin. I smile at him. Master Yoda waits, looking at me and Obi-Wan. 

"Thank you, Master Yoda," I say, voice quiet, but loud enough for him to hear. He bows his head once, turning away and looking at the starry sky. Obi-Wan pats my shoulder, smiling reassuringly, before leaving. He catches up to Yoda with ease, and they carry on walking as if nothing had happened. Stretching, I make my way back to the barracks, feeling a little bit better about myself.

***

The door opens and I walk in, seeing Rex stood near my bed, with his arms folded. He looks pissed. Most of the Clones are awake now, and I glance at my watch. Five am. Rex glowers at me with his ice blue eyes and I swallow, hoping my eyes aren't as red as they were. I close the door with ease. Rex comes over and gets right up in my face. I don't retreat. I stand still. 

"Where the hell have you been, solider?" He barks, angry. I don't flinch. I look him straight in the eye. Just because I am a girl doesn't mean I get frightened easily. Nope. Not anymore. 

"I was in the courtyard, speaking with Master Yoda and Master Kenobi." I answer, honestly. Half-honestly. I won't tell him the reason why. I can't. The others will laugh. Mock me. Like I said, some hate me enough as it is. I don't want to give them more ammunition about my situation. About my emotional state. Rex softens his gaze a little, grabbing my wrist and hauling me after him, towards the training area. I grunt a bit, yelping, shocked by the sudden action. The others snicker, Tup being the one to laugh the loudest. That is normal. Tup and Slick usually are the ones who try to break me down. I usually own them on the spot, but Rex sometimes sees that I can't take anymore of their petty insults, and tells them to nick off. Maybe not in those words, but you catch my drift. The door opens and he keeps dragging me after him. The door closes and he stops. Turns to me. Lets my wrist go. I rub it lightly, the skin stinging a bit. He glares at me and I return it. He leans against the wall, armour stretching and making a sound as he does so. I stand there, stupidly, tiredness starting to pull at my position.

"Why were you out at night?" He asks, and I hear the sharpness in his voice, something he has never really used with me before, unless we are on the field, kicking droid ass. Something's up. Rex looks irritated, tired. I want to ask, but it isn't my place to do so. He'll tell me soon enough. I hope. He is a loyal friend, a damn fine leader. He knows what to do, and when. 

"I was trying to wear myself out," I sigh out, forcing myself to be honest. Rex looks confused by this answer, Not what he was looking for. "I can't stop thinking about my mother and how I could have done more to save her." Rex softens his eyes, and he pulls me to his armoured chest suddenly, making me jump. He comforts me gently, running a hand over my hair. It lasts only a few seconds before he lets me go, and holds me at arms length. He searches my eyes, and he can tell that I am being honest. He knows why I left. He knows why. He won't bring it up, but i can see it in his eyes. Rex knows what subjects to steer clear of. My mother is one of them. Unless, I trust you enough. I trust Rex with my life, but talking about my mother still hurts. It may have happened nine years ago, but it is still raw. Especially considering I saw her die. That makes it even harder to get over. The Clone's hands slide off my shoulders and he nods. I nod back, understanding. He'll keep it quiet. He'll probably ask Kenobi if he saw me last night. Then, he can know the truth. I didn't betray them. I may have left the barracks for no apparent reason, but I am no traitor. Rex goes in first, and I wait, looking at the pale sky, the blue starting to blend with orange. I squint, the sun rising slowly. Lower my head. Today is going to be a long day.


End file.
